What You Should Know About Sex with a Narcissist

by Miral khattak

Narcissist On initial impressions, your spouse might have seemed faithful, caring, and keen on ensuring you had a fantastic time in bed.

Their charm may have been nearly overwhelming as they lavished you with gifts, praise, attention, and assurances of genuine love. 

  • But, as time progressed, you began to observe persistent warning signs in their behaviour:
  • Subtly at first, and then openly, they assault and humiliate you.
  • When you do or say something they dislike, it irritates or causes them to ignore you.
  • Their priorities have shifted from your desires to their desires in the bedroom. 

When your significant other constantly demands your approval and praise, acts entitled and superior, and displays other symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), you may begin to question whether they are suffering from this disease.

“Personality disorder” is a catch-all word for a cluster of mental diseases characterised by risky ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving; NPD is one of these illnesses.  

The short answer is yes, it is possible.

If you’re having sex with someone who acts narcissistically, read on for solutions to your questions. 

What Does Sexual Behaviour From A Narcissist Look Like? 

Sexual Behaviour From A Narcissist Look

People with NPD and other personality disorders tend to keep most of the traits that make them unique over time.

A wide variety of contexts reveal these characteristics as well. So, it’s not just at work or with loved ones that someone with NPD acts selfishly. Once you hear their conversations, you’ll be able to recognize the signals. 

When you’re in a sexual or love relationship, some of the things that make someone with NPD different can show up in every part of the relationship, even the bedroom. 

You might not always notice certain behaviours immediately, especially if your partner tries hard to hide who they are


There are some things you might notice about a sexual partner who has NPD. 

It Looks Like They Only Care About Having Fun.

Looks Like Only Care About Having Fun.

Having sex is a rewarding experience. Unrestricted sexual encounters can be satisfying if both partners are open to the idea. 

Along with post-sex hugging and pillow talk, having sex with your partner helps you get closer to them. Not only does it feel good, but it also brings people closer together. 

On the other hand, partners who have NPD symptoms might not want to build closeness after they’ve had their sexual fix.

When you bring up your feelings or the relationship, they may respond momentarily before becoming bored or uninterested, swiftly changing the subject to their feelings.

A Lot Of Credit Should Go To Them.  

Most of the time, egotistical people have a very high opinion of themselves. They might think they are unique, more important, and more talented than everyone else.

This can sometimes mean putting their pleasure first in bed. That’s not their problem if your needs aren’t met. They may want you to meet theirs. 

On the other hand, their egotism may indicate that they are trying to win your approval by praising their abilities and the kindness they show in their relationship. 

That is, they might want you to talk about how great they are at sex and how much you liked the experience instead of how much fun you had together.

Every time you have sex, they might want to see this as proof and support. People may nag you for more comments or even get angry if you don’t give them the praise they want. 

The Moment You Express Dissent, They Act Out.  

Moment You Express Dissent, They Act

  • Let’s imagine you voice your disapproval or suggestion that they give it another go. 
  • Like, “I don’t love it when you bite my neck.”
  • “Please don’t hold my head as I fall on you.”
  • “Having sex while standing up sounds like a lot of fun.” 

You are ideally allowed to say what you want and need. But even if you do it politely, these statements might make them question whether or not they are the “best” partner.

So, they might say something mean in response, ignore your request, or point out “flaws” in your performance or look. 

  • Like, “You always seemed to like it before.”
  • “I’m just trying to keep your head still because you’re bad at it.” I could never end any other way.”
  • “How do you know? “You’re not that excited in bed,” she said. 

They Think They Deserve Sex.

They Think They Deserve Sex.

A feeling of entitlement is a common trait of narcissists, so a partner with NPD might think you’ll jump at the chance to have sex whenever they feel like it.

They might say, “Shouldn’t the chance to have sex with someone so beautiful and skilled make you happy?”

They might do these things when you don’t want to have sex: 

  • Say you don’t care about them to make you feel bad, then accuse you of cheating, call you names, and compare how well you’re doing to other partners. They may also threaten to leave you or have sex with someone else. 

These actions might not always seem like abuse to you. Some people even start to think that if they don’t want to have sex, it means they are a terrible partner and should be blamed.

As a whole, though, these kinds of manipulation are sexual blackmail. They are likely meant to make you feel bad, so you will give in to what they want.

No one should have sex.

Some people get a little upset when they want to have sex, and you don’t. They won’t try to change your mind if you’re in a healthy relationship. They’ll respect your choice and your limits. 

They Don’t Care Much About How You Feel. 

Don't Care Much About How You Feel.

Narcissistic people often don’t care about other people.

Not having much empathy doesn’t mean someone can’t understand how other people feel.

It does mean they might not think about how their actions affect other people very much. They might even act like they don’t know other people have feelings.

You might think that your partner doesn’t care about anything else as long as they get what they want if they have NPD. 

They may have a comprehensive plan for how your interactions should go. As well as what you should wear to bed and say during sex; they tell you what they want to do. They don’t ask what you think or think about the fact that you might want to try something else.

This might make you feel like a thing instead of a partner. 

Does It Sound The Same Every Time? 

There is a range of narcissistic habits.

It is possible to have some narcissistic traits, but not all of them to be diagnosed with Narcissism. There are different levels of how bad these traits can be.

If your partner has milder narcissistic traits, they might be more willing to admit when they’re doing something wrong when you tell them about it. Also, they might care more about how you feel and what your sexual needs are.

If someone has severe Narcissistic symptoms, on the other hand, they may be sure that only their needs count. They may trick and take advantage of you to get what they want. 

Also, it’s essential to know that ego comes in several forms. Different people will show selfish behaviours differently, but they will all have some of the same main traits.

There are a lot of people who might recognize the inflated sense of self-importance and power that comes with grandiose Narcissism. However, vulnerable (covert) Narcissism can look very different.

A Partner Who Is Grandiosity Narcissistic Might: 

 Partner Grandiosity Narcissistic Might: 

Make direct sexual demands, tell you you’re wrong when you question or criticise how they act.

Ask for comments and praise. directly get very angry when you disagree

A partner with a vulnerable ego, on the other hand, might 

They use passive violence or other forms of manipulation to get what they want. Blame you when you point out bad behaviour. Put themselves down so you’ll praise and compliment them. Be sensitive to criticism and hold a grudge when they think you insulted them. 

A lot of people who have NPD cheat on their partners and try to get them to have sex with them.

Anyway, just because someone is selfish doesn’t mean they will cheat, use sexual pressure, or act sexually aggressively. 

What’s The Difference Between Sexual Narcissism And Sexual Narcissistic Abuse? 

Difference Between Sexual Narcissism

It’s simple to mix up sexual Narcissism with sexual Narcissism. They do sound like the same thing, after all.

This Is Different:

It’s not a personality disease or any other kind of mental illness that sexual Narcissism is. 

Specifically, it refers to narcissistic traits that can only be seen in the way someone acts and thinks about sex. Sexual Narcissism is a trait that someone can have without meeting any of the factors for an NPD diagnosis


In their personal and sexual relationships, someone with NPD traits might act spoiled and have other narcissistic traits. Narcissistic traits will show up in other parts of life, too, though.

People with NPD can also show signs of sexual entitlement without acting that way. Sexual behaviour isn’t even part of the criteria used to identify NPD.

Look Into A Reliable Source. 

Shows a connection between sexual Narcissism and sexual aggression, such as rape, other forms of sexual assault, and forcing someone to have a sexual act with them. However, experts haven’t found any proof that ego by itself makes sexual violence more likely. 

If You See This In Yourself, What Should You Do? 

If you’ve seen narcissistic traits in yourself, you may be interested in learning more about them and how they can affect your relationships.

Talking to a mental health worker is an excellent way to learn more and make lasting changes.

You Can Start To Make Changes On Your Own By: 

As often as possible, tell yourself that your partner is an important person just like you are. Make it a habit to ask your partner about their sexual needs.

learning better ways to deal with criticism

Personality disorders are marked by traits and habits that are hard to change, so getting help from a professional can make a big difference.

Therapy gives you a safe place where no one will judge you where you can: 

Look into the reasons behind selfish behaviour.

Figure out how selfish traits show up in your life. Try seeing things from the point of view of your partner (or anyone else). Learn new ways to talk to and interact with other people.

Learn to understand and follow the rules that other people set.

To sum up, getting help from a therapist can help you build and keep healthy relationships that make you and your partner happy. 

What If You See This In Your Partner? 

You might not know what to do next if you think your partner’s sexual behaviour shows signs of Narcissism.

Should you talk to them? Throw them away? Please don’t say anything, and I hope things get better.

The Best Way To Respond Relies On The Details Of Your Relationship.

You could start by talking to your partner if you care about them and want to stay together. 

For example: “It hurts and bothers me when you say my needs don’t matter to you.” Feel free to try things you like; if we want to keep dating, we must be on the same page. Your tastes are just as valid as mine.”

Along with that, it’s important to make rules and follow them!

Like, “I don’t want to have sex when I say so.” “I’ll leave/you can go home if you keep pulling my strings or trying to make me feel bad.”

They might be open to seeing a therapist to keep the relationship going. You could also suggest that they get help from a professional. 

For instance: “I’d like to keep dating you, but I don’t think that will happen unless you’re willing to think about how I feel.” Would you think about talking to a doctor about how to do that?”

Remember this at the end of the day: People can change, but it may take a while and a lot of hard work in therapy to see any progress. 

What Does This Mean For You In The Long Run? 

Having narcissistic traits can hurt all of your relationships, at work, and in your personal life. Keeping your job, friendships, and good romantic relationships can be challenging.

A lot of people with NPD also feel anxious, insecure, and have low self-esteem. Any of these things can make emotional problems and other mental health issues, like sadness, worse. 

You could also get in trouble with the law if you try to force or trick a partner into having sex with you, not to mention the trauma and grief you could cause them for a long time.

People with NPD usually don’t get better on their own because it’s a mental health issue. Still, getting help from a therapist can help you deal with these signs and habits. 

If You Are Being Abused, 

Abuse and manipulation of emotions can hurt your mental and physical health in a big way and for a long time.

To get help when your partner’s behaviour goes from “entitled and self-centred” to “coercive and abusive,” you should see your counsellor.

A therapist can help you deal with trauma and mental pain, think about your next steps, and make a plan to end the relationship. 

In The End 

Being selfish means that your partner might not always want to change how they act, so they might not care about your sexual needs and wants.

Should you talk to them, but they still don’t show that they care about your feelings and limits, it might be better for your long-term health to end the relationship and move on. 

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