The Stages of Grief and What to Expect

by Miral khattak
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Grief

Everyone feels grief. Many times, people say that grief has five or seven steps: acceptance, bargaining, denial, and anger. The seven stages add to these ideas and are meant to help people better deal with the complicated nature of loss. Among them are thoughts of guilt.

Everyone feels grief. Anyone will have to deal with sadness at least once in their lives. If someone you care about dies, loses their job, breaks up with you, or anything else that changes your life, you may feel down. 

Being sad is also a very personal experience. It lacks order and proper organisation. It does not adhere to any plans or dates. On the other hand, you can feel empty, cry, get angry, or pull away. Neither of these things is peculiar, nor is it in any way incorrect.

It was said by E.K. Ross in her book “On Death and Dying” that there are five stages that might be categorised as forms of sadness. Despite the fact that everyone grieves in their unique way, the majority of people experience these stages and the order of their feelings along with them.

Do You Think Sadness Goes Through 5 Or 7 Stages?

Do You Think Sadness

An American psychiatrist named Liz Kubler-Ross, who was born in Switzerland and wrote the book “On Death and Dying” in 1969, proposed that the process of grieving might be broken down into five distinct stages. For a number of years, she had been working with people who were nearing the end of their lives.

As time went on, two more rounds were added, bringing the total number of rounds to seven. The purpose of this expanded model is to demonstrate how multifaceted the feeling of sadness is.

Both models will not always accurately represent a person’s experience because emotions progress over time. Skipping a level or returning to it later is not a problem.  

The Five Stages Of Grief And Mourning  

Kubler-Ross’s five stages were initially developed for people who were coping with illness; however, they have now been modified to assist individuals in coping with the loss of a loved one.

She devised the Kübler-Ross model to explain grief. These steps of grief were first created for sick people, but they have since been modified to fit other types of loss as well.

Kübler-Ross says that there are five stages of grief.

denial Dealing with anger

Accepting your sadness

This is what you need to know about each one. 

Stage 1: Denying

Stage 1: Denying

Grief is an overwhelming emotion that is difficult to manage. In situations where feelings are intense and come on suddenly, it is common to act as if the loss or change is not taking place.

It provides you with the opportunity to observe the news in a more leisurely manner and to begin processing it when you dispute it. Protecting yourself in this manner is a typical practice, and it also makes the situation less emotionally taxing.

On the other hand, once you have moved past the stage of denial, the emotions that you have been suppressing will begin to emerge. You will have to confront a great deal of the melancholy that you have been avoiding. This is also a part of the process of losing something, but it can be challenging.  

Figures That Illustrate The Stages Of Denial  

“They’re just upset.” as a result of a breakup or divorce. The situation will be resolved tomorrow.

Being fired from one’s job: “They were wrong.” To let me know that they require my assistance, they will phone me tomorrow. 

Death of a family member: “She’s still alive.” “She’s just around the corner.”

“This isn’t happening to me,” the person with a terminal illness said. The numbers are not right. 

Stage 2: Getting Angry

Stage 2: Getting Angry

While avoidance might be seen as a way to deal with things, anger is more of a cover-up. Many of the feelings and pain you carry are hidden by your anger.

You could direct your rage toward other individuals, such as the person who passed away, your former employer, or your former supervisor. You could even become angry at things that aren’t doing anything at all. Your mind is aware that the person you are angry with is not to blame, but at that one time, your feelings are so powerful that you are unable to let go of that knowledge.

Instead of feeling angry, you might feel bitterness or resentment. It’s possible that it’s not a question of anger or fury. 

Certain people will not experience this stage of melancholy, and some may remain here. Nevertheless, once the anger subsides, you may begin to think more clearly about what is going on and experience the feelings that you have been suppressing up until this point.

Thoughts On The Anger Stage 

Say, “I hate him!” if you feel that way about him. He will be sorry that he abandoned me!

Loss of employment: “They are terrible at their jobs.” I want them to be unsuccessful. 

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“This wouldn’t have happened if she took better care of herself,”

Being told you have a terminal illness: “Where is God in this?” “God is so stupid to let this happen!” 

The third stage is bargaining.

It’s possible to feel weak and helpless when you’re sad. When people are experiencing a great deal of distress, they frequently look for ways to restore control or feel as though they can alter the outcome of an incident. You may find yourself saying a lot of “what if” and “if only” things while you work through your feelings of melancholy.

In addition, those who consider themselves to be religious frequently attempt to strike a bargain or a pledge to God or a higher force in exchange for healing or solace from suffering and anguish. Negotiating is a strategy that can be utilised to shield oneself from the emotions of melancholy. It is helpful to delay dealing with the loss, perplexity, or hurt.  

Examples Of The Stage Of Bargaining 

Examples Of The Stage Of Bargaining 

“She would have stayed if I had spent more time with her,” which means a breakup or divorce.

I lost my job and thought, “If only I had worked more weekends, they would have seen how valuable I am.”

An individual who has passed away: “She wouldn’t be gone if I had called her that night.”

One of the people who was suffering from a grave condition stated, “We could have prevented this from happening if we had gone to the doctor sooner.”  

Stage 4: Depression

Stage 4: Depression

On the other hand, depression might feel like a more peaceful aspect of loss, whereas anger and bargaining can feel like a lot of labour.

At the beginning of your mourning journey, you may be trying to run away from your emotions and stay ahead of them. But maybe now you can accept them and find ways to treat them that are better for your health. As an additional strategy for processing your loss, you may decide to withdraw socially. 

It doesn’t mean that melancholy is easy to comprehend. Depression, like the other stages of grieving, can be a difficult and chaotic time. Perhaps it will be unbearable. You can be feeling disoriented and your mood gloomy. 

Depressive symptoms may appear to be the only way to cope with the aftermath of a loss. If you feel as though you are stuck in this stage of grieving and are unable to get past it, however, you may want to discuss your situation with a mental health expert. With the assistance of a therapist, you will be able to make it through this period of your life.  

A Few Instances Of The Stages That Depression Might Go Through

“Why go on at all?” after a breakup or divorce.

Someone who lost their job said, “I don’t know how to move forward from here.”

“What am I without her?” after the death of a loved one.

“This is the terrible end of my whole life,” the person with the terminal illness said.

Stage 5:The Acceptance Of 

Accepting what has happened is not always a happy or uplifting experience when one is sad. That is incorrect; it does not imply that you have overcome your sadness. Being aware of what it implies for you now and having accepted it are the signs of acceptance. 

You may be experiencing a quite different feeling at this moment. In every way, that was to be anticipated. 

 Your life has changed a lot, which has made you feel different about many things.

If you accept that, you will have more good days than bad days. It’s okay for bad things to still happen. 

The Following Are Some Examples Of The Acceptance Stage:

The decision to divorce or end a relationship: “In the end, this was the right choice for me.”

I told myself, “I’ll be able to find a way forward from here and can start a new path.” in response to the fact that I had lost my job.

A loved one has passed away:  

“I feel so lucky to have spent so many wonderful years with him. I will always remember him.”

“I have the chance to tie things up and make sure I get to do what I want in these last weeks and months,” said the person who was told they had a terminal illness. 

The 7 Different Steps Of Grief 

Another well-known way to describe the complicated feelings of loss is the seven steps of grief. The following are the seven stages:

This is a state of not believing something and not feeling anything.

Your pain and guilt may make you think that the loss is too much to bear and that your wants and needs are making other people’s lives harder.

You may find yourself lashing out and telling God or a higher authority that you will do whatever they want of you in order to get out of these feelings or this predicament while you are experiencing rage.

You may have feelings of loneliness and isolation throughout this period as you cope with and reflect on the loss.

At this point in the grieving process, the earlier phases of mourning, such as anger and suffering, have been completely resolved. You are now more relaxed and comfortable with yourself.

After you have completed the process of rebuilding and overcoming the situation, you can begin to put your life back together and move on. 

Graciousness And Optimism: 

This fosters a sense of hope for a better future and acclimatisation to the new way of life.

Some of the steps that follow a split or divorce could look like this:

Disbelief and shock: “She would never harm me in such a manner.” Tomorrow, she will return here after realising her mistake. 

“How could she do this to me?” I asked myself in pain and guilt. How ungrateful is she? “What went wrong?”

“If she’ll give me another chance, I’ll be a better boyfriend,” he declared with rage. I will give in to her every whim and desire.

Sadness: “I’m going to let everyone down.” “I’ll never be with someone else again.”

“The end was hard, but there might be a time in the future when I could see myself in another relationship,” she said.

The process of healing and moving on: “I need to look at that relationship again and learn from my mistakes.” 

Joy and peace: “I have a lot to give someone else.” I need to meet them.” 

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