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Relationships with selfish people can be complex to handle and can hurt your mental and physical health. Set clear limits and lean on a support system of people you trust as ways to deal with this problem.

A lot of people use the word “narcissist.” It describes people who only seem to care about themselves or use other people to get what they want.

Some people can have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Only a trained mental health professional can diagnose this condition based on these factors. 

DSM-5-TR, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, is a reliable source.

Some people may show some signs of narcissism but are not officially diagnosed with it.

You can learn how to deal with someone in your life who is narcissistic, such as how to set reasonable limits and behaviours around this person. 

Signs Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder 

A narcissist is someone who only cares about themselves and doesn’t care about other people.

That being said, it’s important to remember that NPD is an actual mental illness that can make life very hard for the person who has it. Other people may also find it harder to keep a friendship with that person.

Still, some people can show egotistical traits even though they don’t have NPD. Some of these are: 

People who need constant praise and admiration, have a sense of entitlement, take advantage of or exploit others without shame or guilt, don’t recognize or care about the needs of others, degrade or bully others, and take over conversations or meetings are examples of people who seem to have an inflated sense of self-importance.

To make things even more complicated, people who have NPD or selfish traits often take criticism very personally. If you approach them, they might get angry. They can also get angry if they think someone has hurt or ignored them.

Here are some valuable ways to deal with someone who has NPD or narcissistic traits, along with advice on how to know when it’s time to move on. 

Having Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Having Relationships 

Most of the time, people who don’t have NPD or a related mental illness see relationships as selfless. It means giving someone something without expecting to be paid back immediately or in the same amount.

Of course, that’s not usually the case with egotistical people. Instead, they often see interactions as something that must benefit them.

Many people with NPD are charming, magnetic, and appealing. They might even seem sexy if they do that. But the truth is that egotistical people often have Trusted Sources. 

Relationships that aren’t working because of anger, jealousy, or abuse.

NPD people don’t always know how to give and receive love in good relationships. They might try to blame other people for their flaws or mistakes. At times, they can become angry and upset quickly. They may also lie or trick people in some situations to avoid being held responsible.

That can make a partner feel tired, empty, and worn out. Partner of someone with NPD may decide it’s easier to give in to their demands and manipulation than to stand up for themselves or set limits for their mental health. 

Of course, it’s important to remember that not every relationship with an NPD person will be this hard. Treatment can help some people with narcissistic traits become less one-sided in their relationships. 

What Not to do When Someone is Selfish 

It rarely helps to talk to someone with NPD about their behaviour. Most of the time, they’ll try to keep the upper hand and resist change.

It would help if you did not try to “fix” someone with NPD. Instead, it would help if you focused on your actions and health. This means setting limits and getting more help from friends, family, and experts to get through the good and bad times in your relationship with this person. 

 Find out More About NPD. 

People with narcissistic Personality are often said to be charming and likeable, which can make it easy to ignore some of their worst behaviours.

If you want to be able to spot the signs of NPD more quickly, though, you should learn them.

You can also learn more about the person’s skills and weaknesses this way, so you’ll be ready for any problems. 

Even better, it can help you learn to accept them as they are and have more realistic goals for your relationship.

Read books made by mental health professionals or talk to someone who works in mental health. This could help you figure out the best ways to talk to a loved one with selfish personality traits. 

 Boost Your Self-worth 

When you’re in a relationship with someone who has NPD, having good self-esteem can make it a lot easier to deal with some of the behaviours that could be harmful.

Talking positively to yourself, taking care of yourself, and getting healthy support can help you become more resilient and boost your self-esteem.

If you have better self-esteem, it may be easier to set clear boundaries, be assertive, and speak up for yourself. These are all essential skills to keep a relationship with someone who has NPD. 

Stand up for Yourself. 

You should pick your fights, right? Sometimes, it’s best just to ignore something or walk away.

But the connection is critical. You might need different skills to deal with your boss, parent, or spouse than you would with a coworker, sibling, or kid.

When talking to someone with NPD, if you feel like your limits have been crossed, try not to react, get upset, or show irritation. 

You have to speak up if it’s someone you want to stay close to. Try to be calm and gentle as you do this.

It would help if you let them know how their actions affect your life. You should be clear and consistent about what’s not okay and how you want to be treated but know that it might be hard for them to understand or relate to how you feel. 

Make your Limits Clear. 

When you’re with someone who has NPD, you may feel like your limits are being broken.

When dealing with someone who has NPD, it’s better to set clear limits on behaviours that are bothersome to you than to try to change them.

To ensure that these rules are followed, you shouldn’t use threats or ultimatums to get what you want. 

AS AN EXAMPLE 

Let’s say that someone at work parks their big truck in a way that makes it hard for you to get out. Tell them in a solid voice to give you enough space. Then, say what will happen if they don’t do what you want.

For example, you’ll have their car taken if you can’t safely back out. Calling the tow company again the next time it happens is essential. 

Learn Ways to Stay Calm. 

Sometimes, it’s easier to stay calm and not respond when talking to someone who has NPD if you do things like deep breathing, yoga, or meditation.

It might also help to be clear about what you want to say or practise what you will say before setting limits.

Also, it can help you guess how they’ll react to tough talks so you can answer them correctly. 

Find Someone to Help you. 

Build a healthy network of people you can turn to for help if you can’t avoid the person. Spending too much time with a selfish person in a relationship that doesn’t work can drain your emotions.

Get back in touch with old friends and try to grow new ones. Spend more time with your family.

If you’d like to have more friends, try taking a class to learn about a new hobby. Get involved in your neighbourhood or help out a local charity. Do something that lets you meet more people who are nice to you. 

WHAT DOES A GOOD RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE? 

Sometimes, being in a relationship with a narcissist for a long time can make you forget what a good relationship is like.

Keep an eye out for these signs: 

• Both sides try to understand and listen to each other. Both sides admit when they’re wrong and take responsibility for them.
• In front of the other person, they feel free to be themselves.

Demand Action Right Away, not Just Words 

An awful lot of narcissists are good at keeping their word. They might say they will do better or promise to do what you want instead of what you hate.

They also usually mean what they say when they make these promises. But sometimes, these statements are just a way for them to get what they want.

It’s not a good idea to argue directly, but you should be clear about what you want, need, or expect and say it quietly and gently. Tell them you’ll only do what they ask for after they do what you ask for.

To show that you take your goals seriously, you should also be consistent and do what you say you will do. 

Know That Someone Who Is Selfish Might Need Help From A Professional. 

A lot of the time, people with NPD also have other disorders, like substance use disorder or other mental health problems. Someone may decide to get help because they have another illness.

Also, remember that selfish traits don’t always mean someone has a more serious mental health problem. Some traits, like delusions of grandeur or a sense of entitlement, can happen to some people without being caused by a more serious mental health problem. 

A test with a mental health worker is the only way to tell the difference between random traits and a real disorder.

Of course, even egotistical people could benefit from seeing a mental health professional. Some traits can hurt relationships, personal growth, and well-being, even if someone doesn’t have a significant disorder.

Always keep in mind that having NPD is not an excuse for hurtful or violent behaviour. 

Know When You Need Help. 

The mental and physical health of both people involved in a relationship with a narcissist can get worse over time.

See a primary care doctor first if you are having signs of anxiety, depression, or physical problems that you can’t explain. You should also see them if you are in a relationship with someone difficult. After your checkup, you can ask to be put in touch with other services, like support groups and mental health workers.

Please get in touch with your family and friends. They can help you. You don’t have to go it alone. 

How To Move On 

Some selfish people can also be mean to others verbally or mentally.

Some signs of a bad relationship are these:

insults, yelling, threatening, humiliating, calling someone names, being jealous, and making charges 

If someone is blaming you for everything that goes wrong, watching your every move, trying to isolate you, telling you how you feel or should feel, regularly projecting their flaws onto you, denying things that are obvious to you, or trying to gaslight you, or making your opinions and needs seem unimportant, these are all red flags. 

But when should you give up? There are good times and bad times in every relationship, right?

Even though this is true, you should probably end the relationship if you’re being abused verbally or physically, you feel like you’re being manipulated and controlled, or

If you’ve been mistreated or feel threatened, you may feel alone.

People who have NPD or a narcissistic personality disorder show signs of mental sickness or drug abuse but refuse to get help. This isn’t good for your mental or physical health. 

SEEK HELP 

You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 if you are afraid of the other person. This number connects you with service providers and centres across the United States 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

It might help to talk to a professional as you come to terms with your choice to end the relationship.

These mental health tools can help you find the right mental health professional for you:

Find a Psychiatrist from the American Psychiatric Association

American Psychological Association: Find a Psychologist

VA Certified Counsellors work for Veterans Affairs. 

When you feel like you’re in immediate danger, you should call 911 or your local emergency services and try to escape the situation as soon as possible. 

Frequently asked questions

What must you not say to a narcissist?

People with egotistical personalities may take criticism very personally and become hostile, angry, or violent if pushed.

Setting limits and being transparent about what you want from them is crucial, but yelling at them, addressing them about their actions, or expecting them to change probably won’t help. 

Is it possible to change an egotistical personality?

People with narcissistic tendencies can get better with help, but it takes a lot of time, work, and patience.

It’s important to set healthy boundaries and realistic standards if you want to stay in touch with someone who has NPD while they are getting treatment. 

It comes in four different types.

Grandiose narcissism, which is out in the open, and fragile narcissism, which is hidden, are the two main types of NPD. People with grandiose narcissism often need praise and an inflated sense of self-worth. People with vulnerable narcissism, on the other hand, feel self-conscious and insecure. 

A few other types exist, such as antagonistic narcissism, which is marked by hostility and a sense of entitlement, and community narcissism, in which people seek praise for being kind or helpful. 

What to Do

People with NPD have a major mental illness that can make it hard to make and keep healthy relationships.

It can be hard to be in a relationship with someone who has NPD, but it might help to set clear boundaries, build a robust support system, and practice skills to stay calm and answer appropriately.

On the other hand, remember that knowing when you need help and when you should end the connection is essential.